Magic Number
What is it that I truly love?
What is it that I truly want to do?
From the depths of my heart this childishly insatiable, sincere voice rings out, and I long always to turn my ear toward it. No matter when, no matter how old I become.
At times I feel this is easier said than done. I focus on things I must do rather than things I want to do. Or I feel selfish if I give priority to my personal feelings.
Shouldn’t the question of what I want to do be the most certain thing in this world?
Throughout my twenties, I learned so many things.
I met many wonderful people.
I had much fun, made many mistakes, and at times suffered terribly.
For each one of these things—and I say this not because it sounds good—from the bottom of my heart I am thankful.
As I look back I see that all through my twenties I continually asked, “What do I want to do?”
Not for anyone else, not for someone’s rating—what do I think?
In critical times this theme has followed my life.
It’s not something I’m good at. Often I don’t know what I want to do. I can’t help but worry about what people will think of my decisions or whether things will work out if I believe in myself. Sometimes I wish that someone would make things easier by saying, “Do this,” or, “This is the best way.”
But despite the pain and trouble, I’ve turned to face each obstacle and chosen my own path. By making my own choices I always gain something later on. Firm determination and creativity to picture my future self—these become the force that drives every gear. I suppose this was the lesson for my twenties.
“Magic Number” will be the last single of my twenties.
With this song I sing to the person I’ve been as well as the person I will become. I’ve been through a lot so far, but no matter how trying things become or how many times I feel like quitting, a day when I can be thankful will surely come. I learned this the hard way, so I hope that my future self doesn’t forget: if I face each wall head-on, someday I’ll be able to smile at everything and say thanks.
Whenever I unlock this thought I need only one key—a magical song, my Magic Number.
maaya